How A Spiritual Practice Can Change

Change is inevitable in life. As we grow up we learn more things and our view of the world adapts to the experiences that shape us. Although, we can be resistant to change once we get comfortable it is something we always have to go through. I wanted to take this blog post and talk about change when it comes to a spiritual practice; using my own practice as an example.

Where It All Began

I'm pretty open about when and how I started in regards to my practice, but it wasn't an exact starting line from 2009. Before I delved into spirit work on my own I used to be Newage. What? Syv? Newage?! You?! Yes, but I was a child. When I grew up I was surrounded by Newage rhetoric as such were the times. Sadly, I qualified for the indigo child title because I am autistic. I was lucky enough to have a mother who was smart enough to still get the help I needed with my autism despite whatever mystical things my grandma & her attributed to me, but I know there are people out there who weren't that lucky. What I remember of these times (let's say 2005ish ~ 2009) is that I saw colors around people's faces and one time my grandma, my mom, some other people & I did a prayer circle for archangel Gabriel to guide someone home. There were times a family member would get possessed by young children and I would talk to them and play with them until they had to leave. Of everything that happened during these years I'd say this is the only part I recognize myself in still.


In 2009 my own practice began. I developed clairaudience at age 14 and I haven't seen colors around people's faces since. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I went back to my room after having dinner with my mom and I heard someone say hello. I found it very strange as this never happened to me before. I walked back to my mom and asked what I should do since she would help all those young children I hung out with cross the other side. (That's what I've been told as I only remember certain events from those times.) She told me to ask what they wanted and when I got the info that they wanted to pass on she told me to call upon one of our old guides to help them out. After all was said and done I stated loudly in my room that I didn't want to follow the path of my grandmother & mother and It hasn't happened since.

Soon after this event I came into contact with my own spirit guide. Her name was Esmee and she looked like she wasn't much older than me. She put me into contact with another spirit so I could develop my ability, but it wasn't as special as it sounds. He would come over a few hours now and then in a week and we would talk about all sorts of things. In between those times Esmee would come over too to check in and through this practice I learned to sense where they were standing or sitting. 

In the same year I met my 'Partner in Crime' as I like to call them. They were the only person who wasn't a spirit (or entity) who I could share this rollercoaster with. At the beginning of our friendship I started to fully move away from Newage thinking. We had an entity who wouldn't leave us alone and I asked my mom what to do. She told me to make a 'dome of light' and to visualize roses in front of my door. I remember my friend & I were confused as to what the roses would do, as they would just trample them. Looking back the dome of light was solid advice, but we just called it a barrier so I didn't quite understand what she meant.

Before The Storm

There was a period before I got into astral travel that was a bit muddy. I was very lonely as a teen and I had only one or two friends who I felt a genuine connection with. The sad part, however, was that they lived far away from me. Around 15 years old I got my first diagnose of autism (PDDNOS) with a side of having an active imagination. I won't lie that I think a lot of the spirits & entities in these times were probably thoughtforms. I barely had people to talk to and I felt alone. I was failing school because I was too unmotivated to pay attention & I felt too much like an outcast. Needless to say, I spent a lot of my time in my room alone. Spirit work became like a support system, but I left it unchecked because I didn't care if it was real or not anymore. I've always questioned my sanity when it comes to my practice and on rare occasions I still do. But, I wanted to feel a part of something. I wanted to feel like someone cared about me and through this I did. The reason I'm using thoughtforms and not imagination is because my 'Partner in Crime' could see them too. It's through this repetition of spirit work my visualization got better over the years.

The Astral Explorer

When I was 17 years old I astral travelled for the first time. I slept on the floor because my bed was broken, but because of that I put my speakers on the piece of wood I would lay upon. One day I was dozing off while softly playing music on my speakers and it's how I have found my music method of astral travel. Vincent, an entity I had met at the time, helped me with 'getting out there' a lot. When it worked I would help him in return with his stuff whenever I was able to go. Through him I met others and through them I met more entities. This gave me places to go to if I wanted to practice. This did come with its own portion of trouble, though. During these times I had to learn self-protection & confidence in asserting dominance. I relied on my companions a lot back then because I still lived at home and I wasn't sure what to do. However, beyond all the bullshit I really enjoyed going to the places that were available to me in the astral. I met new people, learned about their culture and had a grand time doing what I couldn't do in my material form. When the time came I had to adapt because things were happening in my life I'm happy to say I was able to. Astral travel helped immensely with keeping focus.

The Roaring 20s

In 2015 I joined tumblr for witchblr. I had looked into Wicca back when I was 13 years old, but the website I found stated I had to go outside in nature and exercise, so I left the thought of turning to witchcraft & Wicca pretty quickly after that. The reason I joined witchblr was because I wanted to talk to other people who had a form of spiritual practice that wasn't Newage and I really wanted to share about my own. I didn't dare to in the beginning so I mostly observed at first. The more I read people's experiences the more I felt pulled towards witchcraft. However, I fell into the trap of thinking that in order to be a witch you needed to do deity work, so I scoured the internet looking for a pantheon and/or deity that fit me. After a while I found the Norse pantheon and more specifically Thor. He wasn't too amused at first and rejected my approach, but I wasn't easily swat away. I studied a lot of norse myth, runes, deities, etc and I remember that at the end of the week I saw a God Spouse post on tumblr. I spoke "Why would someone want to do this? Are people insane? They're a god, why would you do that?" Well, Thunderman must've heard me because he showed up less amused than he was before. We had an interesting debate about it and at the end we decided to work together. If anyone's curious the whole debate came down to "if both parties agree they want to do that then who cares? It's none of your business." He set me straight alright.

I was very reluctant in deity work. I was used to hanging out with people who were equal to me, but I thought deities were far above you. Not only that, they expected things of you and I was deadly afraid of screwing up. Thor, however, was very patient with me. He did tell me that I needed to work on communication, but he saw that I was trying. Nonetheless, it was still a rocky road. There was a moment in 2017 I thought I fucked up and I didn't dare to contact him so I cleaned up my altar. I worked for a bit with Luna, Apollo & Nyx in between, but those workings were very short lived. I do miss Apollo from time to time, though. He can be a very fun deity to speak with and learn from. 

It wasn't until I went to Iceland in 2019 that I reconnected with Thor, but it was not meant to last. Earlier this year I pulled the card he set out as my goal and I knew it was time to say goodbye. I learned a lot from him even though our road was bumpy, but it prepared me for the path I am on now and I am grateful for that. He is compassionate, driven and kind. Hail Thor, God of Thunder and Protector of Midgard!

The Other Roaring 20s

Since last year I slowly started to fall out of love with witchcraft. I joined witchtok just after the whole 'hex the moon' fiasco and I will not deny that seeing Newage seep it's way into modern witchcraft practices really turned me off from it. However, it is also because I found Occultism. Just like witchtok Occultism has it's own tiktok tag - occultok. I listened to what people shared and I looked up, perhaps even read, the books people recommended and I found I valued knowledge and understanding of the world around me above all things. I fervently analyzed my own experiences and researched against my own spirituality. I will admit it has left me somewhat detached, but I don't want to be deeply involved. I aim for a practice that employs both spiritual experience and scientific understanding; melded together by the flames of my passion. This is where my ambition truly lies.

In January 2020 I taught a lesson on astral travel as a guest teacher. It was through this I found out there were things I thought I knew, yet they didn't add up. I'm thankful for the experience because it led me to question myself, my experiences and what I had learned. I became a part-time teacher later in 2020 in another witchcraft discord which was a lot of fun, but hard to keep up with. So, I said goodbye to the class teaching life and decided that if I wanted to share and/or teach something, I'd do it on this website.

Duivel's Kind

2021 has been quiet spiritually for the most part. I took my research a bit too far which made it unable to experience spirituality for a while. It came back in due time through meeting a new companion and it rolled into researching egregores, clair abilities & the culture of some of my companions on the down low. The biggest change to my practice however is the discovery of Demonolatry. I was afraid of working with deities back in the day with Thor, but I was even more reluctant when I found out Lucifer was knocking on my door. Incase you haven't noticed yet, discipline is not my strong suit. I was let off pretty easily as a kid and I never cared enough to work on it until this year. However, the biggest lesson Thor taught me is that I should have no fear in regards to worship & workings. It is through him I was more than prepared to dive into the world of demons. I started out with Lord Lucifer & Samael at first. Lord Verrine joined a bit later and Lord Azazel joined the gang quite literally yesterday.

I can understand if the Lucifer & Samael bit doesn't make a lot of sense. The way I understand it is that if you hold a gem in a light source it will look differently depending on the way it's facing. Lord Lucifer helps me with discipline, planning & contracts whilst Samael helps me with my fears, controlling emotions & calls me out when I need it. Lord Verrine helps me with mental health, spiritual cleansing & meditation. And Lord Azazel helps me with acceptance & healing of the past, regaining my focus and maybe more things in the future. I can't say as of yet.  However, his candle has been burning since I started writing this post.

Besides the research that I do I'm also delving more into Christianity, albeit being it from the other side. I think if I went back in time & told my 14 year old self she would laugh in my face. However, as time passes by people change. I am pleased to see that no matter how many things I've tried out, the baseline is always the same. My practice revolves around working with other beings to gain the knowledge to further better myself and my understanding of the world around me. That, or be a friend in a time of loneliness.

This post was originally posted on November 17th, 2021